How boring was this year’s edition of “The Bacheorette: The Men Tell All“? This has long been the snooze-fests to end all snooze-fests when it comes to the show. It’s like the competition went to use the bathroom, and this is the two-hour seat-filler that we’re stuck with until it returns. Nothing, save for maybe the bloopers, is actually entertaining or invigborating. It’s mostly just people re-hashing conversations, and Desiree getting the support of an overly-enthusiastic audience trained to applaud anything that she says and does like a pack of sheep.
Since we cannot bear to even suffer through an attempt at trying to actually recap specific events with a hint of seriousness, this year we are introducing the Bore Score! We’ll be looking at every specific event from a scale of 1 (almost interesting) to 10 (so boring that we barely have the energy to type).
Desiree visiting fans – Considering that Desiree showed off zero personality at all in this entire segment, we want to give it a 10. However, we’ll give a few extra points for J.P. Rosenbaum celebrating the open bar, and reminding us that he and Ashley Hebert are easily our favorite post-show couple. Bore Score: 5
Desiree getting advice on dealing with “bad boys” – A good percentage of this segment was pointless. Plus, we didn’t need to see Emily Maynard, Ashley, and Ali Fedotowsky together for this filler segment in a filler show. Bore Score: 9
The guys talk the season – Outside of Juan Pablo (who is amazing and can do no wrong), we didn’t need to hear from anyone else. Also, Jonathan apologized for the fantasy suite thing, but did not mention being drunk. Somehow, this makes us sad. Bore Score: 6
Ben Scott – She should have known that something was off with Ben based on the pink shorts alone (terrible fashion choice). This whole entire fight involving Ben and some of the other guys got really nasty, when there were things about his son and his ex-girlfriend and cheating thrown in there. It was a complete trainwreck, and thus, it far exceeded EVERY expectation that we could possibly have. Bore Score: -1 (for being actually entertaining)
James Case – Okay, this was just awful. The cuts of the women self-righteously shaking their heads and giving side-eye, acting like James was secretly Satan with a mask on was ridiculous. The guy said some stupid things, and probably shouldn’t be on the show, but what makes him different that the millions of other guys who act that way? He’s just a fall guy, and the people lecturing him on how to live his life (Kasey) are just as terrible. James is kind of a tool, but Kasey seemed more than happy to sit there and try and get as much airtime as possible. They’re all insufferable, and not in an ironically funny way. Bore Score: 13
Juan Pablo – The best part of the night, and something that “The Bachelorette” should do on a more regular basis: Give us more highlights of someone who is an interesting character, but didn’t get much screentime. We’re not just saying this because of our love of Juan Pablo, but because he seems like a genuinely nice and sweet guy. If he had actually talked more beyond his daughter, the score would be even higher. Bore Score: -2
Zak Waddell – Of course, Zak was treated like royalty despite coming on the show with his abs all ablaze, which we guess is the ultimate trainwreck turnaround. The guy clearly had feelings, so we won’t be too hard on him; it’s just too bad that his entire segment was so predictable and dull save for his little story about him trying to pick up women alongside his married friends. (Side note: Zak should quit his job and go into voice acting.) Bore Score: 3
Desiree – The lady of the hour comes out with a sparkly dress, attacks James and Ben, even pretends like Jonathan exists. It’s all too orchestrated and annoying and so repetitive. Zak plays a drippy love song and makes a great case to be the next “Bachelor.” Bore Score: 8
Blooper reel – Way too short this year. Maybe the bloopers are even boring. Bore Score: 1
The tease at the end of the episode – We’ve got much more on that here.
Those people at the end – Who cares what these random people in the audience think about Desiree! Everyone has already turned off their TVs. Bore Score: A billion