Going into Tuesday night’s “America’s Got Talent,” we have a lineup that we are by and large excited to see. Then again, every time we have hyped up a series of acts so far this summer, we’ve ended up being disappointed. Probably not a good sign.
But before we get into our rankings, we want to remind everyone out there that we’re basing this not just on our own opinion of the act’s talent, but also screen time and America’s voting history. If it was us, we would only have one singer ranked in the top four … but since America cannot go longer than ten minutes on this show without something that they can see on three other major networks shows, we have to compensate for that. Sadly.
Incomplete. The Robotix – We have no idea who this group is, and their audition video is not up on YouTube. That’s where we go when we don’t remember an audition, and we just haven’t seen enough of them to have an opinion.
11. Tummy Talk – This just in: America is not going to vote for a group of guys who hit a large dude’s stomach and call it talent. What happens if the guy guy loses weight? Do you just go out and find another person to fill this spot? This seems like something great for a middle school assembly, and that’s about it.
10. David Ferman – He’s a juggler. We find this sort of thing entertaining, but jugglers almost always fail on this show. It’s just too much of a challenge to go through the entire performance and not drop anything, especially since just juggling is never good enough.
9. Champions Forever – We barely saw them on the show, but basketball acts are not something that is particularly easy to get through on. You have to really impress; otherwise, you may as well just put them on a halftime show.
8. 3Penny Chorus and Orchestra – Is the novelty gone? That is what we’ll be asking as we see the performance again. What really made this act work on a phenomenal level the first time around was that it was something that we legitimately did not see coming: A classical group doing “Call Me Maybe.” Now, they have to find a way to impress again.
7. Aerial Ice – We want to know how the idea for this act came to fruition. Did someone wake up one day, and suddenly feel almost as though it would be a good idea to combine ice skating and aerials together? Was this a drunken bet to see if it could work? Their audition was pretty phenomenal, but the lack of airtime since gives us a feelings of “the show is going to bury you.”
6. SensEtion – A very cool act that combines technology and dance, but their issue is that what we’re looking at is not exactly as original as it once was. Following what Kenichi Ebina pulled off on the show last week, the bar is raised for all of this sort of stuff. We’re just not sure it will match up when you look at the other solid acts this week.
5. Cami Bradley – A very good singer, and the voters do appreciate a good singer. But let’s put this in perspective. Cami is 25, and she is thus someone who could have been on “American Idol” or any of the other singing shows. We much prefer to see artists like her on programs that can cultivate the craft better, and allow for more variety here. We just don’t know if we will see anything distinctive enough.
4. Chloe Channel – A female country singer who is also a kid. That’s probably a deadly combination to all of the other variety acts. We’re putting her at this spot thanks to a torn opinion. We didn’t really enjoy her act that much the first time, but she’s got over 600,000 views on YouTube and that has to mean something.
3. Timber Brown – One of the most incredible solo acrobatic acts that we’ve seen. There’s an element of danger here, and it’s spiced up with some bits and pieces of dance thrown in there. The guy is pure Vegas, and while we know that America will favor the singers as always, we’re begging to see something else.
2. Taylor Williamson – A very awkward and very funny man. Without “Last Comic Standing” around anymore, this show is one of the only venues for comedians who want to get some exposure on TV outside of some of the late-night shows. But it’s going to be tough on Taylor: He only has time for a tiny set, and usually comedians spend the first few minutes warming the crowd. Luckily, he’s crazy funny, and the irony here is that he actually was on “Last Comic Standing” during its revival back in 2010, and we were super-bummed when he didn’t make it past the semi-final stage. (Yes, this did make Howie Mandel’s quote about “discovering” him during the auditions an eye-roller.)
1. Jimmy Rose – The risk with country singers on this show is that they can bomb (see Marty Brown) and still get through over some more deserving artists. But Jimmy is really good at telling a story when he sings; he’s not the best singer we’ve ever heard, but this Marine veteran really seems to understand what country music is actually about: Simple, effective storytelling.
Want to read some more “America’s Got Talent” news? You can compare past contestants, see other rankings, and read our most-recent results for the show over at the link here.