Welcome back, The Bachelor / Bachelorette fans, to another season of CarterMatt Power Rankings, a.k.a. another chance to be snarky about who is there or not there for the right/wrong reasons.
Let’s get this out of the way now: Who cares why people are there? Like Caelynn and Cassie or don’t like them, but let’s not pretend like these people are not all on the show to boost their brand. It’s been years since this show wasn’t 50% love and 50% Instagram, so you just gotta roll with the punches. We don’t consider thirst in our criteria for who should be the next series lead; instead, it’s more about whether or not America will like you, whether or not you’ve got a halfway-interesting story, and also of course, whether or not eventual fence-jumper Bachelor Colton Underwood eventually picks you. (That fence scene may as well be the final scene of the whole season at this point.)
Without further ado, let’s get into this — with a reminder to check out our video below for some more hot Bachelor takes and subscribe to CarterMatt on YouTube so you don’t miss out on our weekly videos about the show! We also have a full Bachelor playlist with all of our weekly episode reactions … just in case you need more Bachelor Nation fun in your life.
So who do we think has the best shot at becoming the next Bachelorette based on the season so far?
Off the List – Kripa Sudick. The good news for Kirpa is that nobody will remember her for her mysterious chin-bandage anymore. The bad news is that everyone will remember her for trying to throw Cassie and Caelynn under the bus before Caelynn pulled the ultimate wing-woman move trying to help Cassie stick around. Fare thee well Kirpa — off to Paradise for you!
6. Elyse Dehlbom – She’s fading faster than every contestant from Bachelor in Paradise last season. We root for her (hooray, an actual contestant over 30!), but the odds of producers picking someone to be the Bachelorette who went home so early are slim to none.
5. Cassie Randolph – Quick, name something about Cassie other than 1) the drama from this past week, 2) the fact that she’s from California, or 3) that she makes out with Colton a lot. Can you do it? Then she probably shouldn’t be the Bachelorette. Also, Cassie is almost sure to end up with Colton at the end.
4. Tayshia Adams – She’s polarizing, mostly because what she said is polarizing. There needs to be a reality TV show called Reality TV Detective where someone just goes around investigates claims made by people on other shows. Find the evidence! Show the receipts! Honestly, it’s still hard to know what to make of Tayshia’s comments on Cassie/Caelynn since they seem to be coming secondhand via Katie, who’s not on the show now. We need the Women Tell All immediately for that!
Tayshia, alas, is probably too all over the map for Bachelorette at the moment. Even though this technically is “a game,” people still don’t like it when people play it.
3. Caelynn Miller-Keyes – It’s okay to both want Caelynn to be the lead and be totally unsure at the same time. There are parts of her background where you can’t help but root for her; then, there’s the “there for the right reasons” drama, and there’s just also the feeling that a lot of her conversations feel overly rehearsed. She’d probably do great at the TV aspect of The Bachelorette, but is there really a huge audience backing her as the choice? Maybe not as much as production actually wanted going into the season.
2. Hannah Brown – The stock couldn’t be higher on the self-proclaimed Hannah Beast, or the idea that our Bachelorette, one way or another, is going to be named “Hannah.” Hannah B.’s got the southern accent that producers love, a big personality, and some goofy humor. She also had a super-memorable exit, which may help to keep her from being forgotten like most people in her position. Consider how many great Hannah gifs there are from this season … and how many more we’d get if she was on TV as the Bachelorette.? This is the social media gold we demand! Yes, Hannah remains a personal pick — be sure to judge accordingly. We may not watch the show for the right reasons.
1. Hannah Godwin – Still the safe pick — she’s recognizable, seemingly well-liked, hasn’t had too many major fights and has a huge social media following. We still have reservations about someone who is basically a social-media influencer as a lead, but how often do these shows really emphasize someone’s real job at this point anyway? How much does Colton talk about anything other than football, or Becca Kufrin last season? Does anyone even know what Nick Viall really does anymore? She’s likable and seems primed to make it far enough that people will be rooting for her by the end … even if she doesn’t have the momentum now.
But what about Becca Tilley? What about Kristina Schulman?
Stop it. It ain’t happening. They never pick a Bachelorette from any season other than a super-recent one.
Want to preview the next The Bachelor episode?
Then be sure to check out the link here, and come back over the weekend for more ridiculousness! There is, of course, so much more to discuss from this season.
Who do you want as The Bachelorette? Share below! (Photo: ABC.)