“Big Brother” has instilled an odd-but-wonderful annual tradition with the Zingbot. He’s a large, clumsy robot who tells fairly-predictable jokes that even the most casual of viewer will understand, and yet every year we sit here thinking “OMG he’s here!!!!” in our brain like he is the third coming of Dr. Will Kirby. Instead, he’s Zingbot. He’s moderately amusing, he’s a mouthpiece for producers who have to sit and watch these people even more than the live-feeders, and by the time he’s gone, there’s a part of our brain who wants him back / following us around zinging all of our enemies.
In kicking off tonight, Paulie and Corey are on the block, they’re upset, there are tears, and blah blah blah do you want to know any of this? If you watch the feeds — and many of you do — Paulie’s fall from grace was spectacular there. This could only do it the mildest bit of justice.
There is one thing that we will highlight: Michelle’s response to Paulie while picking players for the Veto, openly admitting that she wouldn’t use it on him. This is why people are turning around on her as entertainment. She’s honest! Even if she was a total jerk to Bridgette earlier this season, we’ll take an openly honest person over a wishy-washy flip-flopper any day.
Let’s get to the Robot already – What we’ve done for below is ranked all of the zings in terms from funniest to the ones that someone needs to go back and workshop some more.
8. James – Really, all this did was make him think that Natalie’s parents don’t like him. Not altogether creative.
7. Michelle – If you can see where the zing is coming from outside the Big Brother House straight into the studio, you’re doing it wrong.
6. Natalie – Armpit hair. That’s what we’re doing here. Clearly, this is coming straight from Uncle Austin himself.
5. Corey – There’s nothing quite better than reminding Corey he’s not original whatsoever in this game. Pre-game, we thought he was Clay. Now, he’s Hayden Voss.
4. Paulie – Sure, this joke was almost identical to what Zingbot did to Elissa a few seasons ago — or maybe even Frankie Grande — but making him feel like the shadow of his brother was still glorious.
3. Nicole – While not necessarily hilarious, reminding her that this season is a carbon copy of season 16 made this all the worthwhile.
2. Victor – Hey, the “saying something in Spanish” joke has been done, but Victor took being called a d-bag so wonderfully.
1. Paul – Glorious. While we love “your boy,” he does need to quit it with the catch-phrases. The guy is so entertaining that he doesn’t quite need it.
The Competition itself – Hey, we’ve all seen this a million times before. The big shocker wasn’t Victor’s win; it was that the Zingbot didn’t even bother to chill outside in the houseguests. Then again, maybe he wanted to avoid another heatstroke like from a few seasons back … zing!!
James won $5,000 (rather selfish, but understandable move), Corey has a Patriotard, Paul has to frisk people (which provided for a hilarious segment), and Paulie has to bake apple pies for the rest of the season. We gotta say, the show was really generous to him on the edit here, since the reality was that he was whiny, mopey, and didn’t want to do it. He also wanted to leave jury. Sure, they showed a little of it, but the guy had it coming. He was a heel to everyone in the house for weeks, he said incredibly stupid things about Natalie, and he thought he could steamroll the house and nobody would notice.
Veto Ceremony – Nobody used it. Shocker!! (Sorry, got possessed by Dani Donato for a second there.) Pending some enormous revelation, Paulie’s leaving the game Thursday unless he’s got the Round-Trip Ticket.
Still want some other “Big Brother” news? Earlier we speculated on what the Friday show could be, and you can check out the chatter here! Also, have you signed up for our CarterMatt Newsletter yet? If not, you really should. We won’t even zing you. (Photo: CBS.)