‘Britain’s Got Talent’ review: 100 Voices of Gospel, Kathleen Jenkins, Darren Altman rule live show #1

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Tonight, the “Britain’s Got Talent” live shows have begun! We imagine that the next two hours or so are going to be funny, emotional, and everything in between. We’ll also be waiting patiently for the first comment from David Walliams that manages to offend people enough to complain. Doesn’t that always happen?

Be sure to refresh this live review as we go on! By the end of the night, we’ll have everyone ranked in order from worst to best. (Hopefully, there’ll be some competition on both ends!)

9. Richard Bayton – Hey, at least ITV is getting the rubbish out of the way immediately! We’re a fan of the camp act as much as the next person, but we at least like to think that these camp acts have some sort of gimmick. Richard is mostly a bad singer who dresses up in bright outfits. We’re pretty sure that you can see that in any club in Britain or America tonight. Also, we really wish we could be a fly on the wall in the rehearsals for some of the dancers, who have to go try their best for this sort of silliness. Based on the judges’ reactions, save for Simon Cowell, everyone may be drunk.

8. Mel & Jamie – Holy tuning, Batman! While their first audition was rather sweet, this one was plagued by some serious intonation issues. Also, choosing Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” as a daring song choice in 2016 is like going to McDonald’s, ordering chicken nuggets, and then proclaiming that you’re an adventurous eater. There was nothing of substance here, and it felt like Jamie, arguably the star of the group, was even more on the back-burner.

7. Total TXS – The moment they started to dance to “Get Up Off of That Thing,” a groan almost uncontrollably left our lips; the moment that “Wannabe” from the Spice Girls entered the routine, we smiled. This was far too uneven for a live show, and while we liked the “Night at the Museum” theme, the choreography felt once more like every other male dance act we’ve seen on the show. Boyband last year had better moves and bigger personalities.

6. Ystrad Fawr Dancers – They really did not do much that was technically wrong; this just comes down to personal preference, and we have never been an enormous fan of a ballroom dancing group. To us, much of the joy from watching this style comes from the individual connection between two people, and that gets lost here. Also, the outfits were so bright that it was a distraction from everything they were actually doing on stage.

5. Ben Blaque – Ben’s a master of suspense, and when it comes to that, he actually had a really suspenseful act since not everything went according to plan. The problem that he runs into is that we think it’s more exciting when he is shooting something as opposed to having some pre-targeted contraption doing something for him. We have always been a fan of his act, but this was the wrong creative decision for him at this stage in the competition.

4. Spartans Resurrection – Our first reaction here was that “BGT” may have gone a little low-budget, since beyond the costumes it felt like the trampolines and some of the set pieces were surprisingly low-rent. We do agree with Amanda Holden that it felt like there was going to be a stronger ending to the act, and that’s something that should have been added from a choreography point of view. What was done was well-executed, especially some of that scary strength stuff that is so easy to snipe and comment on but incredibly hard to do. They deserve some credit from an effort perspective.

3. Kathleen Jenkins – We’re not going to argue about Kathleen’s singing voice, since that’d be the equivalent of telling a sparrow that they cannot fly. What we do question is the strategy behind choosing “One Day I’ll Fly Away,” a song that does not exactly have that consistent a melody behind it. It’s not the sort of song that is going to have us standing at attention, excited to call and vote for her. It’s somewhat forgettable, and she went third on the night. That’s not a spot that’ll be so easily remembered.

2. Darren Altman – In the world of controversial opinions, we imagine that this will certainly be one of them. Simon apparently hated the routine, but we actually think it’s rather irritating to have an impressionist stand there and say precisely who he is doing before he busts out every voice. Also, some of the satire he did on Ant and Dec’s “BGT” performance was one of the smartest bits that we’ve seen on the show all night. Really, he’s one of the few people tonight who did anything interesting.

1. 100 Voices of Gospel – Saying that they were the best of the night may not be that huge of a complement based on the night as a whole, but they were the best of the night, and would at least be in contention to be the best of any night. Sure, they’re aided slightly from there not being a lot of memorable gospel choirs out there today, but we’re not going to hold that against them since they did bring so much energy and vocal power to the stage.

Results Check our archive page! As soon as they are revealed, we’ll have a separate article on it + our take on if Britain / the judges made the right choice.

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