The Bachelor premiere review: Hannah Godwin gets First Impression Rose

The BachelorColton Underwood’s season of The Bachelor is here and it’s … reasonably entertaining?

Related The Bachelor video – Check out some more thoughts on the premiere of the season at the bottom of this article! Meanwhile, remember to subscribe to CarterMatt on YouTube for more and be sure to stay tuned for more updates.

Let’s face it already — we know that one of the main narratives that ABC is going to force on us virtually all season long is the fact that Colton wasn’t the consensus choice and not everyone wanted him to be the Bachelor. Yet, we think that 90% of the time the guy more or less finds into the background unless you are either A) Sean Lowe and you’re great or B) Juan Pablo or Arie and you’re terrible. Colton falls somewhere in between. He came across as reasonably genuine, his perspective on being a virgin made sense, and while he needs more words to describe the women other than “gorgeous,” he did hold his own through most of the premiere.

With that, let’s say this: Can we not have him showering with the cameras on him? Are we not over that yet as a Bachelor trope?

Rather than spend too much time trying to analyze Colton further, mostly because we’ve done that already, let’s actually amplify some of the standouts from the first night of the show.

Catherine Argo – She was, by far, the villain of the night. She stole Colton away from other women several times — the horror! The funniest part of this, though, was that she did it even after someone told her not to because clearly, she could care less about any of this. She also brought her dog and told Colton to take care of it … only Chris Harrison did instead. Yet, where was the dog when Chris walked in at the end of the night?!

Alex Dillon – She showed us as a sloth! Really, the whole idea of it was totally ridiculous, but we did really like the hustle and the commitment to the character — including being in a tree at one point! The whole premise of this is that Colton likes to take things slow.

Hannah Godwin – The recipient of the first impression rose and our pick for the most relatable contestant of the night. She admitted she was nervous and was vulnerably to Colton, but not in some way like she was desperate for his attention or approval. It felt rather real and that was really nice.

Demi Burnett – She has almost two totally different sides — she’s got this country-girl background, but then she also came across as a little bit self-obsessed and seems to have serious villain potential. Also, apparently her mom is in prison and that’s not something you get on this show everyday.

Onyeka Ehie – Awesome name, for starters. Onyeka decided that she would take it upon herself to try and confront Catherine … and we already told you how those results went. Not particularly well.

There were a lot of small, comedic moments throughout the night, whether it be lame attempts to bring up Colton’s virginity or women trying to impress him with carnival games or a string quarter or, apparently, blowing a whistle at him in the middle of a conversation with another woman. Yet, a lot of it was more of the same thing that you would expect with this sort of show and you have expected with this sort of show over the years. We’re not going to call this a memorable night in Bachelor history. Even most of the pre-taped packages were fairly standard, though we do like Nicole’s backstory living in Miami and helping to care for her brother with autism. We also have two former beauty-pageant contestants in Hannah Brown and Caelynn Miller-Keyes; we’re sure that’s going to lead to a LOT of awkward pageant competition jokes all season.

So stay for the innuendo, the petty arguments about people stealing time, and also someone dropping Colton’s virginity into a conversation where it doesn’t belong. This is what we’re in for this season, apparently.

Who went home?

Does it matter? Most of them are not especially memorable. What’s more memorable is that Catherine did get a rose — but she’s the villain. That always happens with this sort of show. Meanwhile, we also saw Erin a.k.a. Cinderella leave. That’s probably the biggest shocker of the group.

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