‘The Bachelor’ premiere review: Lace Morris, Olivia Caridi make their ‘impact’ on Ben Higgins

One episode of “The Bachelor” has come and gone, and this just in: A newscaster has done her part to try to capture all of Ben Higgins’ attention.

To our great surprise near the end of the episode, it was Reporter Olivia who snagged the coveted First Impression Rose, and she did so on the back of a story about how she chose to be on the show versus having a job. It’s a sweet sentiment we suppose, but does she just think that she’ll use the fame to get a better job after the fact? You gotta think that’s possible.

Olivia’s moment was one of a few somewhat-still-romantic touches on what was otherwise a ridiculous night. Shall we count the ways?

1. The opening package, which chose to depict Ben as a small town guy shooting basketball on what may have very well been Chris Soules’ barn, before getting awkward high-fives from people in the local Warsaw, Indiana community as though he just saved children from a burning building. Dude is the Bachelor. Not sure it’s worthy of hero status, but okay. Also, Ben lives in Denver. We saw your LinkedIn page!

2. The idea that anyone things that coming in wearing a giant rose on their head is a good idea. Mandi seems like she really wants to be a comedian or some sort of funny-dentist YouTube star after all this. We don’t really get the sense that she’s jumping up and down over being with Ben.

3. The idea that production saddled poor Maegan (saddle joke intentional) with her mini-horse so that they could trot around all night and eventually trot right back home to Texas.

4. The notion that after 20 seasons, women still do not know not to drink heavily before or during the first night! Lace wins the award for Clearly Hammered Contestant a.k.a. CHC, behaving erratically and later celebrating the fact that Ben came up with a good reason not to kiss her.

5. The idea that Farmer Chris is a good person to give Ben advice on the show. Why was he there, again?

We do think that Ben comes across very well in the Bachelor role, and does remind us of Sean Lowe in that he seems very down-to-earth, but still has a sense of humor and wants to give people many chances. That’s why he didn’t send Lace home at the end of the night. Also, he’s got the good sense not to give us the gratuitous shirtless shots like it is some sort of narcissistic symphony. (Don’t worry, ladies and gents: That will be coming in due time.)

Since there were no enormous night one disasters other than Lace, whose negativity may have been stretched to full accord so that the show had someone to mock, let’s focus instead on the people who we think actually shined brought through the madness.

Jubilee – We love her background, the fact that she got an intro package, and that she got a little bit of face-time with Ben during the episode. We haven’t had too many veterans on the show (especially female ones). It’s a nice change and we’re rooting for her.

Caila – She came across really energetic and interesting, and we think that she’ll be one of the women that is a good person to have in the house. She’s super-positive and probably won’t get caught up in the drama.

Lauren B. – Wasn’t the greatest TV, but the show’s giving her a ton of play and we’ll probably get at least 300 more references to her job as a flight attendant.

Oh yes, we must talk about the twin gimmick, mostly because that is what this is. We do actually think that the two had funny moments in the confessional room, but all hope of them actually having their own time to shine is clearly lost already. They’re more or less treated like on person in the premiere.

In the end, we didn’t lose anyone too memorable, though we shall once again proclaim following Laura’s untimely exit that the Great Redhead Curse continues. For one reason, they never do well here! Sure, the show is as vapid and silly and predictable as always, but we like Ben and we’re not going to deny that this was as entertaining.

As for the aftermath, Lace is already fighting with Ben … over eye contact. Seriously. Can Ben re-do the Rose Ceremony? Grade: B.

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