The premiere of “Dancing with the Stars” is here! The show started right away with some craziness, a fun opening, and almost immediately right after that a routine. Clearly, the producers know that they have a ton to get two in just two hours of time, since there are 13 people that they have to get through. We’re going to give you quick-takes on each one of the celebrities tonight, which is the same format we’re going to use all season. At the end we’ll share a poll for you to vote for your own favorite.
Victor Espinoza – This was so short we have no idea what this even was! Victor seems nice, but he looked totally like a deer in the headlines more so than champion horse-racing jockey. The judges were so nice for that ho-hum score. 15.
Tamar Braxton – Let’s be real, to quote Tamar’s daytime show: We actually think that this would’ve gotten a 24 later in the night. It was SUPER impressive to come out with a quickstep on the first night, and do it this well. 23.
Chaka Khan – Let’s be honest: She really didn’t dance! She was off the whole time, and it felt like Keo was doing everything. Can’t this guy ever get a partner that lasts a long time? We’re really worried about the first result here. 13.
Hayes Grier – Emma has danced with the oldest contestant on some seasons, and she’s now with the youngest guy ever on the show. Strange? Definitely, but this dance was fun and he has some potential. Generic high school theme, but we saw that coming. 21.
Andy Grammer – He was more of a leading man than we thought he’d be, and there was a classic elegance to what he did. We’re still not sure if he will dive fully into the goofy routines, but this is a nice start to his journey. 21.
Paula Deen – Paula really thought she’d do better than her score, but it seemed about right. She was better than Chaka, so there’s at least that! She did a couple of things right, but you could tell that she was so nervous that she just hung on for Louis van Amstel almost the whole time. 15.
Carlos PenaVega – We never doubted that Carlos will be good; it’s his fan following that we are worried about at the moment. He’s off to a really great start, though, and established himself as one of the frontrunners. 23.
Alexa PenaVega – As it turns out, his wife is also really great! We think that she probably still has a really great chance to make it further than her husband just because of her following (being on “Spy Kids” helps), and this was one of the best premiere jives we’ve seen. 22.
Kim Zolciak – We predicted preseason that Kim would be the first one out, and we definitely feel that way after this routine. Granted, Gary Busey has still not danced at the time we’re writing this. For the most part, this was not only bad, but Kim just did not come off as likable at all. 12.
Bindi Irwin – We thought that Bindi would be good with Derek Hough, but we didn’t think that she would get the best scores of the night! She is entertaining and has a ton of personality, and that compensates for maybe the fact that she is not the greatest dancer in the cast.
Gary Busey – Gary is nuts, and so was this dance. Here’s the thing with him: While he’s pretty horrible, at least he seems to know just what he is there for: To be wacky entertainment. That puts him above Kim in our book. 15
Alek Skarlatos – We do find it funny just how self-aware Alek is about how nobody really knows who he is. He’s not a bad dancer! We do think that eventually not being famous is going to come back to bite him, but we haven’t gotten there yet. 22.
Nick Carter – Of course, the former Backstreet Boy is good at this! He closed the show tonight, and gave a performance that really could have gotten a 27 in later seasons. Since this is the premiere, though, the judges are on a curve. 24.
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