‘King of the Nerds’ season 2 spotlight: Our pre-show journey ends with Zachary Storch

We like to think of some of our “King of the Nerds” spotlight articles as those tutorials at the start of an elaborate RPG. Some people may skip over them, but those who study character get a stronger overall experience, and knowledge that they can use to completely own baddies the rest of the game. Plus, those who complete the tutorial are also going to be the ones who beat Culex on their first try, or try to dodge lighting in the Thunder Plains 200 times in a row. We say “try” on the latter because we’re convinced it is one of the most-impossible things of all time.

Today, we conclude this epic journey with a look at Zachary Storch, a man whose last name sounds like he is the lost member of a secret clan of dragons. (Whenever we say the word “dragons,” we picture it in the voice of a guard in “Skyrim.”) He’s a gamer, a writer (yay for fellow writers!), a sometimes-wizard, and a guy who could absolutely decimate most of the galaxy in “World of Warcraft.” We imagine him as one of the elite who have actually defeated almost everything that there is to defeat in that massive game.

But will Zachary defeat our Nerd Scale? Our humble, arbitrary, and completely silly scoring system has taken on many a foe, and like a proud golem it still stands awaiting one final challenger. If this is your first spotlight, head over here to see our random “criteria” that we’ve come up with.

Nerd Pros – Trying to actually type out a song from “The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time” is a big win. (We’re going to deduct a point from ourselves for not being able to figure out if it is Zelda’s Song or something else.) Also, a love for “Doctor Who,” “Game of Thrones,” and “Star Trek” are pluses. We were surprised that he used Trekkie rather than Trekker to describe himself, but we don’t really feel qualified enough to discern which version is more appreciated by fans in 2014.

Also, we love the fact that he decided to completely disregard realism with an unrealistic question about who he would want at a dinner party, and include none other than Spider-Man on his list. But is it Andrew Garfield Spider-Man, Tobey Maguire Spider-Man, or the awesome one from the old animated series? Very important distinction that must be made! We know that most of the nerds shied away from including their IQ score on their bio, but we kind of like that Zachary did. There is a sort of cockiness that often comes from being nerdy sometimes, like it is an Achievement they store in their brain’s trophy case. Also as a fellow World of Warcraft player we enjoyed his battle cry of “Victory for Sylvanas!” since we play an undead character too.

Nerd Cons – “Women actually really love me.” Wait, how often do nerds actually say that? It’s not exactly common; instead, what we traditionally hear is “women love me because it’s hip, but then when they realize that nerds are actually in fact nerdy, not so much.” Zachary’s also really into running, which is not a skill that most nerds really have in one of their limited materia slots. If they did, you wouldn’t hear about so many of them being shoved into lockers.

Also, and we realize that this is totally some nerd elitism / possible d-baggery … if you are a Warrior for Life as he describes, why cosplay as a wizard? Brand incongruence! Zachary is at least right when it comes to characters in anime / games right now having tons of belts; we’re pretty sure that this particular fashion accessory is what Tetsuya Nomura dreams about at night.

Nerd Scale – 8 out of 10. If Zachary can already succeed with the ladies and run away from bullies, hasn’t he more or less won some sort of competition already? It’s hard to really figure out what he needs this competition for! (Except for the money … everyone needs that.) While there are a few things on the bio (including a few spots that were perfect for a deeper dive into his mind) that cause our Nerd Scale to glitch out a little bit, Zachary’s definitely a genuine guy and someone to watch out for in the competition. The thing he’s gotta be careful of is something that we’ve also cautioned some of the other “confident” nerds with: If you go in to this competition too strong, you become a target early. Based on one season of evidence (admittedly not a big sample size), a great strategy to go far is to be nice to everyone, be an asset, but never be too big of a target.

Want to read the rest of our “King of the Nerds” spotlights? The we suggest transporting your mouse to the link here! Jessa (@DangerGirl101 on Twitter) is going to be doing the reviews all season long starting Thursday, and we’ll be doing some other cool stuff that we’ll talk about soon. Also if you want to subscribe to our weekly newsletter just click here.

Photo: TBS