‘The Celebrity Apprentice’ premiere review: Was Porsha Williams or Carrie Keagan ‘terminated’ first?

The first thing that “The Celebrity Apprentice” did effectively on NBC Monday night was, other than an end credit, not mention Donald Trump. This show is ridiculous, it’s fun, and it’s not meant to be political. The reason that we’re dissociating it from the President-elect is simply because we feel like most rational people who be able to.

What was different this season is that you’ve got a new set, a new boardroom, and a different boss in Arnold Schwarzenegger who has a company — or something — that he’s starting with these celebrities. The premise is a little bit flimsy. Also, do we really have to listen to people call Arnold “Governor” the whole time? We’d rather just say Arnold and get fired for it because we couldn’t resist.

Here’s what is the same: It is men versus women, and one stupid name (Arete) versus another (Prima).

The first task – Why aren’t we selling hot dogs, pies, or some other garbage? isn’t that the tradition? We’d rather that than seeing some sort of Tyra Banks product showcase since we feel like we’re still burned out on CW “America’s Next Top Model.” Porsha Williams is the Project Manager for the women, and Boy George was basically forced into it by the dudes. Conducting makeup tutorials seems like it’d favor the ladies, but there wasn’t that much about their presentation that was all that dynamic or entertainment. “Fresh and fierce” is such a generic little slogan; meanwhile, we hope to never hear the phrase “beautytainment” ever again.

Here’s the issue that we saw with what the women did in the presentation: They met some of the expectations, but they didn’t do anything to bring it to the next level. The guys really did a great job playing against type, and they had a shtick that was so much more creative: Basically showing the universality of the product. If Ricky Williams can apply it, despite his fears about it, shouldn’t everyone be able to?

Enter the boardroom – Honestly, we thought that the guys won this in a runaway. It was funnier, and far more interesting than the other. This was confirmed by Tyra, who gave us “America’s Next Top Model” flashbacks throughout this. Her biggest issue with the presentation was that the women didn’t show off their celebrity well, and tried to be relatable more so than utilize anything that was their greatest strength.

Porsha had a tough time immediately when it comes to finding someone to fire, and it really took Carrie Keagan to actually offer up some semblance of an opinion in the boardroom. She brought up the obvious: Porsha was the Project Manager, and therefore, most of the responsibility fell at her feet. She controlled everything, and she did a bad job finding a pawn. She eventually looked towards Carrie and Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi as scapegoats, but the only thing they did wrong was not step up enough. But, they weren’t asked to step up!

Arnold’s decision – Before re-entering the boardroom, Snooki made a mistake in mentioning that she had tanning products and knew more information than she gave during the task. Of course, Porsha could’ve used that. Her second mistake was talking about how scared she was during much of her time in the boardroom, given that feeling sorry for someone isn’t a good reason to keep them.

Yet … Arnold fired Carrie? Well, apparently one part of this season that is similar to the first is that we’re going to continue to see inexplicable decisions made at the top. Apparently, Arnold admires risk-takers, and Porsha took a risk … even if her risks didn’t give her the win in the end.

Also, “you’re terminated” is the new “you’re fired.” Doesn’t really roll off the tongue, but hey, at least the show’s still fun. Grade: B.

What did you think of the premiere of “The Celebrity Apprentice”? Share in the comments below! (Photo: NBC.)