‘The Bachelor’ spotlight: Will Briana Guertler properly nurse Nick Viall’s heart?
Out of all of the various participants on this season of “The Bachelor,” Briana Guertler is … well, she’s one of them. It’s probably not an incredibly great thing that we are only into the fourth one of these spotlights and there’s not a whole lot to say to differentiate these women. A lot of them are the same — and we even mean that in an eerie way that we will get to explaining a little bit more later in the spotlight.
For now, let’s try to give Briana Guertler without descending into too much madness or thinking that we’re living in a “Groundhog Day” environment where every morning we wake up to “Under the Sea” from “The Little Mermaid.” That will make a little more sense in a minute.
Age – 28. Out of all of the women we’ve profiled so far, she’s at least the closest to being age-appropriate.
Occupation – Surgical unit nurse. We appreciate the specificity! We like the mental picture of her running into the hospital with “How to Save a Life” in the background like on “Grey’s Anatomy,” even if it is 100% inaccurate. Maybe someday someone will write “Bachelor” fanfiction where Nick Viall is a patient who shows up one day, she takes care of him, and eventually they fall in love and eventually come back to the hospital to get married at the chapel.
Location – Salt Lake City, Utah. In her bio Briana proclaims that moving to Salt Lake City is the “most outrageous thing” she’s ever done. We’re pretty sure that 1) this may be the first time Salt Lake City and “outrageous” have ever been used in the same thought and 2) we probably did something more “outrageous” in the past ten or so minutes.
Things to know – Guess what, people? If Briana could be any animal, she would be a dolphin!! Shocker! Angela said this, then so did Astrid, and Alexis wants to train dolphins! Scrap the nurse fancition! New story: Alexis secretly entered the competition in order to find a secret device hidden on a science fair group date that will allow her to transform her housemates into their desired animal of choice. She will then train said dolphins to try and rule the world. (Another thought: Did all of these women attend the same casting call and just fill all of this out together?) The funniest part of this is that Briana doesn’t even live near the ocean, so the thought of her being a dolphin in Salt Lake City is … outrageous.
We almost want to further corroborate our theory about her looking at her fellow competitors’ notes with the fact that she, like many others before her, also wants to be a part of that world where the Little Mermaid is the fictional character she most likes to be. As much as we’d like to continue telling jokes about this, it makes some sense: These people are all children of the nineties, which is back when this movie was originally all the rage.
Based on most of her other bio information, she seems fairly adventurous, she loves to travel, and we kind of like the fact that she lists a “Big Mac meal” as a guilty pleasure. It shows some sort of honesty that is tragically missing around 90% of the time from some of these applications.
How is she actually going to do? – We see Briana probably doing better than many of the other women we’ve spotlighted just because we think her job helps her stand out, and Nick probably is looking for someone who is caring, and the idea of her having a normal life suggests most likely that she doesn’t just want followers on Instagram. As for whether or not he’ll tell her apart from all the other dolphin-lovers early on (who are also all brunettes), that remains to be seen.
The big issue we have with her bio is that there’s almost nothing in there in terms of love or relationships. Therefore, we don’t know what she’s looking for, whether she has an idea of the future that meshes with Nick’s, or anything and everything in between.
For some other news and “Bachelor” spotlights, be sure to head over to the link here right now! (Photo: ABC.)