‘The Bachelorette’ spoilers: Why Brooks Forester may be lucky to not be at ‘Men Tell All’

Start to picture this image in your head: A man, somewhat scared of commitment, shows up at “The Men Tell All” for “The Bachelorette” after capturing the attention of the series star all season long. What do you think is going to happen to them? They would be roasted like chestnuts over an open fire. This entire two hours is a veritable dogpile, an opportunity for jealous or airtime-hungry people to go completely on the offensive over things that don’t matter and have no bearing on their life.

This is why we have come up with a handy list of three comments that would probably be made towards Brooks if he did decide to show up on tonight’s special, at least in the event that he was still in the running.

1. “There were people more in love with Desiree than you” – So let’s go along with this ridiculous idea and say that Brooks self-eliminates for guys who are more in love with her. That just means that she will probably have Drew Kenney as her new favorite … not anyone sitting at this show.

2. “Why weren’t you honest about your feelings” – Maybe it is because he was hoping to get there emotionally, and bringing it up could be his elimination? Compared to what the other guys did (having a girlfriend, wanting to be the next “Bachelor,” etc.), not being that forthcoming about your feelings is nothing.

3. “Cut your hair!” – This one may actually be true. Brooks could use a de-mulletizing, and yes we did just create that word.

At the end of this episode tonight, we expect some sort of epic preview for next week’s “festivities” that features Desiree tearing up over a guy and Brooks storming off in a huff. We’re assuming that it has something to do with him, given that he would not say “this is the worst day of my life” for no reason at all. Who knows: Maybe producers shifted up the date of this special a week so that the guys couldn’t complain about him.

What we can say about the “Men Tell All,” for now, is that Desiree will be edited to look like the queen of dating, who dangles men’s egos like they are pieces of string cheese. Good for her when speaking your mind, but it has to help when you have an audience stuffed full of bloodthirsty members of #BachelorNation willing to fight any naysayers for you.

Photo: ABC