Winter is here on “Game of Thrones,” and it can’t be all bad, right? Christmas is a part of that! Granted, we’re not entirely sure that some of the characters on the show have a whole lot of time to think about things like gifts, eggnog, or who should be responsible for baking the ham, but maybe at the end of this, the few survivors who make it through the rubble and the White Walkers will want to celebrate. We’re going to go ahead and assume that someone makes it out of this alive, given that the thought otherwise is too depressing, but we also recognize that this is “Game of Thrones.” They’re gonna make some people mad with the body count.
So while we wait for that hopefully-joyous day to come, we’ve come up with a few holiday-related gifts that Santa can hand down for some of these characters should he ever make his way towards Westeros and beyond. This is a part of an ongoing series at CarterMatt, designed to give you a little bit of holiday cheer through what has, admittedly, shown itself to be a rather depressing year.
Daenerys – What do you give to a woman who has dragons? How about some more Dragon Food! Sure, it sounds terrible to do this to all of the goats and sheep of the world, but isn’t it a little bit better in comparison than having them eat all of her soldiers?
Jaime – Obliviously, he wants a hand upgrade! Maybe now that his sister is Queen he can get one with some diamonds encrusted in it, or one that has some random extensions to it like on “Inspector Gadget.” Heck, maybe Xzibit from “Pimp My Ride” can come in and throw some sort of raven call in there so he never has a problem sending letters again.
Jon Snow – Clearly, this guy needs a break in between dying and then killing a ton of other people. Santa should bring the King of the North an all-expenses-paid trip to somewhere warm like Dorne. They probably won’t kill him, but he should stay away from the Sand Snakes anyway.
Sansa – Our guess is she probably just doesn’t want to be married to a psychopath. Can someone wrap a normal guy under the tree this year, if she’s going to have a romantic subplot at all? Is Ryan Reynolds available?
Tyrion – Traveling barmaid. May travel with him for other things too. It’s Tyrion we’re talking about here.
Bran – He really just wants Hodor back. Honestly, we all want Hodor back.
Ser Jorah – Clearly he wants the title Father of Dragons and all it implies.
The Night’s King – Snow. Not Jon Snow, just actually snow. A lot of it. Oh, and a bigger army and lots of dead bodies.
Cersei – Probably a new wig. Knowing Cersei, this seems to be the sort of thing that she’d care about rather than the fact that her children are dead.
Arya – Like Santa, she’s made a list and she’s checked it more than twice. Santa probably just steers clear of her altogether out of fear.
Have any gift ideas for the “Game of Thrones” gang? Let us know in the attached comments, and head over here to get some other news when it comes to the series! (Photo: HBO.)