‘America’s Got Talent’ premiere review: Tape Face, Hara, Laura Bretan, and Simon Cowell’s debut

Fans of “America’s Got Talent,” rejoice! We are back with another season, and trust us that we’re ready and waiting to break it all down! We’re also interested to see if the show is going to fix any of its weaknesses, including the whole false notion that the winner of the show is going to actually be some sort of huge star at the end of this. How often has that really happened?

Tonight also brings us the first appearance from none other than Simon Cowell, who really isn’t as big of a deal in America as he once was. He’s a great talent judge away from TV, but we hope that he’s got some more soundbites that are added to his arsenal. After all, his act was a little tired by the time “The X Factor” ended.

Nathan Bockstahler – Here is the funny thing about kids on this show: We usually hate them, since we wonder whether or not it is really right to put them through this stress. Yet, Nathan seemed funny, charismatic, and happy to be onstage as a comedian. Sure, we wonder if he really has material that is great beyond him just being a fun six-year old kid, but he genuinely surprised us with his poise and his rapport with the judges! He’s worth seeing again.

Jose and Carrie – We did laugh at this, but the reality here is that we’ve seen far better dancing dogs than Carrie over the course of several seasons. Also, why in the world did the poor dog have to wear a dress? This was … odd.

The Clairvoyants – Psychic acts are really hard to pull off, since inevitably it’s going to be hard to convince people to believe what you’re doing is legit. Therefore, we are always going to be suspicious of this. Yet, they sold it well, and this act is really all about just that: Charisma and presentation. You have to really sell your audience that you are legit, and they pulled that off!

Linkin’ Bridge – If you take away that wobbly last note, then this was really the sort of audition that “AGT” calls its bread and butter. You have a group of guys who didn’t look like an acapella group who came out and really tried to prove themselves. Easily the sort of act who will probably make it through to the live shows.

Hara – Notice how we skipped over most of the nonsense? This was magic. It was like combining Mat Franco and Kenichi Ebina, two previous winners, into a single magical number using technology. It was as close as we’ve seen so far in the to an original act, and that’s not something we really get much of after 11 seasons.

Charles and Rose – These two are like the kooky older people you see in a bar on vacation who seemed to be having a little party by themselves, and nobody else really understands why. They’re camp! They’re terrible, but at least their personalities were enough to make it that we’re upset to see them again.

Tape Face – This was without a doubt odd, but also strangely compelling in a way we didn’t see coming. The guy is a brilliant mime, it’s been a while since we’ve seen anyone bring anything new to what is effectively a difficult skill. This and Hada are two acts that we really hope make it far.

Ryan Stock and AmberLynn – This is a fantastic freakshow act! Yes, there’s going to be a huge part of America who absolutely loathes what this guy did with the meat-hook and his nose, but think for a minute about how much training goes into something like this. It’s crazy, weird, and we’re personally excited to see what they do next.

Laura Bretan – Yes, this definitely had a Jackie Evancho vibe to it when you consider that it was yet another super-strong young singer who just happened to have an opera voice. Also, she’s got a Golden Buzzer! Mel B is the first person to use this, and you have to think that Laura is the automatic favorite of the group based on this.

The show ended with a guy named Greg, and we have no idea what his talent was other than diving into a tub filled with stuff. Yet, somehow this gave us some off-the-rails entertainment that was one of the few non-talent defining moments of the night. There were good acts here! The problem was mostly that they were surrounded by a panel that still needs chemistry, and an edit that is predictable and then some at this point.

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