‘Dancing with the Stars 16’ rankings: The Kellie Pickler waiting game, Zendaya mystery

If we were to say that this is a boring season of “Dancing with the Stars,” we would not be saying so from a standpoint of “the dancers stink” or anything like that. We know that some of the stars are genuinely good! The problem is that producers bombed this year when it came to parity, sticking in a gymnast, a teenager who dances every week on her Disney Channel show about dancing, and a country singer who at least has a good understanding of moving on stage.

The boredom comes from seeing how obvious the final three contenders are, and that there is only one person left with any real shot at taking them down, with apologies to a “General Hospital” favorite. If we’re wrong, it’s easy to be totally cool with that. Remember: This is all meant in good fun, since with predictable rankings based on scores / votes inserting a little humor is the only way to keep it fresh.

The rankings

5. Ingo Rademacher & Kym Johnson (last week: 6) – People more likely to win this season than Ingo: Tom Bergeron, Bristol Palin, or Kym cloning herself to be her own partner on the show. With all due respect to Ingo, who seems to be a pretty nice guy, he’s in over his head. His only hope of staying are the legion of soap fans out there, desperate to shoot the finger at ABC for thinking that the genre isn’t relevant.

4. Jacoby Jones & Karina Smirnoff (4) – Here’s the thing when it comes to #2-4 on this list: We really believe them all to be interchangeable at this point. Jacoby’s the worst dancer of the three, but football players have big fan-bases. He also has a huge personality, and if we were in both he and Karina’s shoes at the same time (which would make for a pretty good ABC pilot), our advice to them would be to make sure they show a sense of humor in the rehearsals, and choreograph something super-creative.

3. Zendaya & Val Chmerkovskiy (3) – We welcome your hate for this ranking! We know how many comments there are out there saying the fix is in, and the powers-that-be at ABC are pulling the strings to ensure their Disney darling gets into the top 3. On the other hand, we’ll continue to emphasize this until it is proven wrong: No Disney star has ever won this show. Adults don’t know who they are, and this show skews much older. We haven’t seen anything personality-wise from Zendaya to suggest that she is a viewer favorite, like Kyle Massey was. We could be wrong, and that is the mystery that awaits us.

2. Aly Raisman & Mark Ballas (2) – In terms of dancing, Aly’s probably the weakest left of the three girls remaining. However, we still have more faith in her Olympic following than we do in Zendaya’s voting block, especially since it would not shock us at all if she gets Sabrina Bryan’d out of the competition this week. Aly, meanwhile, seems to be a lock for at least the final four, pending her performance on the floor.

1. Kellie Pickler & Derek Hough (1) – We’ve ranked Kellie at the top here for so long that we’ve lost count, but not once have we ever had a reason to doubt this. We just don’t know if there is a threat to her when it comes to the total package needed to win this show: Ability, a popular partner, entertainment value, personality, star power, and a sentimental story. She has it all. At best, everyone else on the list on has three or four of these things.

We have a poll below, and now, the responsibility lies in your hands. Share your favorites! Also, see what Sean Lowe is doing now in the days following his elimination.

Photo: ABC