‘The Bachelor’ review: Sharleen Joynt, Juan Pablo Galavis, and one weird kiss

A few days after Juan Pablo Galavis set the internet on fire with comments he made about a possible GLBT “Bachelor,” a new episode of his version of the show aired on Monday night … and it was as machismo as you would expect. There were bikinis, abs, athletics, jumping off of bridges, and also extremely awkward kisses.

Group date – Football! We know that this wasn’t the first date of the night, but it was one of the most hilarious. For one, the idea of competitive soccer as a way of getting romance is so unbelievably stupid that it just shows that this show fancies itself as a giant block of processed cheese, waiting to melt under the hot California sun. There were some big moments in here for Nikki Ferrell, Andi Dorfman, and then particularly Sharleen Joynt, who delivered the messiest kiss in the history of the show. So awkward, but we personally feel like Sharleen is this season’s barometer for humanity. Of course there are going to be sloppy kisses! This is life! Oh, and Nikki got the group date rose.

The Juan-on-Juan dates – Let’s not spend much time on something that the show clearly doesn’t care that much about, either. Seeing Cassandra Ferguson and Chelsie Webster get some time with Juan Pablo is good for him, and boring for us. The whole “fear date” is so overdone, and it has the same sort of end every time. The woman always goes for it, and they are left thanking their lucky stars. Both ladies got roses, so let’s just forget the sappy music and the “surprise” concerts ever happened.

Pool party! – This wasn’t your typical cocktail party, and one that was certainly annoying. We find this entire ordeal hilarious, especially the whole “people are mugging for cameras” nonsense. If you’re on this show, OBVIOUSLY you want to be in front of the cameras. Don’t act surprised when some of the women (see Kat Hurd and her infinite game of chicken) try to monopolize Juan Pablo.

This was also Sharleen Moment #2 of the night, where she started to get all emotional over having to deal with everything else at the house. Sloppy kiss aside, we still root for her more than some of the other women. At least she’s different, and self-aware of what is going on around her. Meanwhile, Clare Crawley cried a lot as she basically freaked out over the same things as Sharleen. We still don’t know what some of these people expected going on the show.

Rose Ceremony – Andi, Renee, Kelly, Sharleen, Elise, Kat, Allison (who?), Clare, Lauren (also who?), and Danielle all have roses for next week. Rejoice, boo, or do whatever else you want.

As for who went home, we lost both Christy and Lucy this week, with the latter probably being the only one that you’ll take notice of. We pretty much pegged Lucy’s episode 3 exit from the start: She did provide the crazy (and made the censors work hard), but she was actually very popular with the other women. We didn’t see that coming.

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Photo: ABC