‘The Bachelorette’ finale spoilers: Chris Harrison teases Desiree Hartsock’s teary situation

For a show that has traditionally been big on spoiling almost anything and everything under the sun, Desiree Hartsock’s “The Bachelorette” is taking a different approach now for next week’s two-part finale: Actually keeping something a secret. Could it be that they have some sort of situation coming up that has not actually been spoiled? We like to think that’s the reason, given that it’s usually just a “who cares?” sort of situation, given a good chunk of these viewers end up having the ending ruined for them long in advance. (Don’t worry: We’re not going to do it here for the precious few that have made it thus far unscathed.)

What we will do is share the quote from master hype-master Chris Harrison about why this finale is going to blow your mind straight out of your head. Sure, it’s probably exaggerated (as most things with this show are), but the comments per Entertainment Weekly are still rather interesting:

“All I can tell you at this point is nobody will come out of this unscathed. It’s hard to believe that after eleven years we still run into situations we’ve never seen before, but that’s the case here. Des and the other guys will be tested emotionally like never before. So, next Monday night will be the first part of this special finale. Then, Monday August 5th join me for a live three-hour television event that you won’t want to miss. Let the speculation begin!”

Okay, is there anyone else that feels themselves start to quiver at the thought of another “three-hour television event”? There’s really no need for this show to last as long as a Peter Jackson movie, especially since everything during that two-hour finale could really happen within one if they didn’t want to drag it out for ratings.

Ultimately, we’re still predicting, as we did last night, that there is something that happens between Desiree and Brooks Forester that seems almost straight out of an emo-rock song. After all, why else would he be crying and saying that he was suffering through one of the worst moments of his life? Unless that’s something he just throws around all the time, it’s probably (cue Ron Burgundy) kind of a big deal.

Photo: ABC