‘Big Brother 16’ spoilers: Ariana Grande’s brother among cast (of all newbies)

Thursday marked the big reveal of the “Big Brother 16” cast, and we certainly could not have been more excited to see if the rumors were true. After learning about the “Team America” portion of the twist, it started to feel more like this season was going to be all newbies rather than feature any returning players. After all, how else would it be fair?

The only part of us that is genuinely surprised about having a group of new players is that we thought after the frequent racism in “Big Brother 15” CBS would play it safe with people who knew how to handle themselves on the live feeds. Given that this cast does include a YouTube personality already exposed to the internet and also a minister, we’re guessing that the show found a different way to work around those issues.

Remember that the cast impressions below are based on just the photos, the occupations, and the ages alone. We’ll go more in-depth with spotlights the rest of the way before the season starts, which you will be able to see here.

Christine Brecht – A barista from Tuscon, Arizona. 23 years old. You cannot really see it in this picture, but she is the token contestant with a ton of tattoos this season. Hopefully, she fills the “enormous fan” archetype since most of the guys don’t seem to have a ton of that going on. (Granted, we haven’t watched any video yet.)

Derrick Levasseur – A police argent from Providence, Rhode Island. 30 years old. Clearly, CBS figured after having Tony Vlachos on “Survivor,” they could benefit by casting some sort of man in uniform for every one of their reality shows. Derrick does not look to be as hilarious on the surface as Tony was, so he’s going to have to win us over.

Donny Thompson – School groundskeeper from Albemarle, North Carolina. 42 years old. He looks like a castoff from the Robertson family, and his job gives us flashbacks of the creepy groundskeeper who roams the school at night who kids only see when they realize that they have been around the building far too long.

Paola Shea – A DJ from Astoria, New York. 27 years old. She’s going to be very miserable with the whole “no singing in the house” rule. Also, she’s near the top of our rankings of “people most interested in being on the show to be famous.” Hopefully, she got a good primer on how to be famous rather than infamous before this season.

Zach Rance – “College graduate” (meaning he has no real job) from Palm Beach, Florida. 30 years old. We don’t know what’s with the whole “pointing at the camera” thing. He looks like an extra from “Saved by the Bell” who wanted to find something else to do now that he’s not in school anymore.

Hayden Voss – A pedicab driver from Long Beach, California, with a name that probably got you briefly excited that he was someone else. 21 years old. He looks a little like Fabio, and the job has to go down as one of the most ridiculous professions we’ve ever heard.

Victoria Rafaeli – Photographer from Weston, Florida. 22 years old. Our first instinct is to wonder if she is related to Bar, but this is from an American who has little knowledge of how popular a last name Rafaeli is in Israel. There’s not a whole lot else to go on here when it comes to her superficial personality.

Amber Borzotra – Esthetician from North Hollywood, California. 26 years old. We wouldn’t use that term in the house if we were her. Just say you help take care of peoples’ skin rather than use a word that some people probably will not know. Not a whole lot else to go on here with Amber.

Joey Van Pelt – A makeup artist from Seattle, Washington. 27 years old. It’s interesting that the show has almost two “alternative” contestants this year in Joey and Christine. The blue hair certainly makes her stand out, but good luck trying to keep that dye job consistent when you get in the house and are tired on slop.

Caleb Reynolds – A hunting guide from Hopkinsville, Kentucky. 26 years old. Our initial impression was that it was Emmett from “Big Brother Canada” just because of that hat. It’s probably more of a combination of him and JT Thomas from “Survivor.” We see a hunting guide, though, getting very bored in the house.

Brittany Martinez – 29-year old event coordinator from Torrance, California. Probably the most boring contestant of the whole batch at least on first glance. She has a predictable job for a contestant on this show, is already from the Los Angeles area, and doesn’t have anything else that distinctive. Hopefully she’ll do a little more on the actual show than she does here.

Devin Shepherd – A former pro baseball player / motorcycle sales manager from San Antonia, Texas. 26 years old. Making a big statement here that Devin has almost a 0% chance to win this game. He’s too big a physical threat to be able to throw challenges and have anyone believe him; eventually, he will lose a competition and go home.

Cody Califiore – Account executive from Hovell, New Jersey. 23 years old. Not the most distinctive man cast in the history of the show. This feels like total showmance bait to us in that he’s young, good-looking, and probably has a set of abs under the shirt. Also, the reality TV belief that New Jersey = craziness probably is continuing here.

Jocasta Odom – A minister from Lovejoy, Georgia (a perfect place seemingly for a happy minister to live). 33 years old. Her job is definitely interesting given the sort of game she is playing, and if she is aggressive she could be a great character. All we hope is that she doesn’t try to enforce religion everywhere and turn this season into a sermon.

Nicole Franzel – A nursing graduate from Ubly, Michigan. 21 years old. How often do you expect Nicole to actually wear these hipster glasses in the house? We say about 15% of the time at most. She seems to be, like Cody, the showmance bait of the season. She’s probably what casting hoped Aaryn would be before learning that she was vile / a racist. Remember, they said she came off nice during casting.

Franke Grande – A YouTube personality from New York City, who also happens to be the older brother of pop star Ariana Grande. In other words, this is the totally unfair casting of the year, since her fans are going to flood every public vote to get him whatever he wants. If you thought the #BrenchelArmy was hardcore, wait until you see them impact the game.

What is your overall take on the cast so far? Let us know below, and head over here in the event that you want some more news from us, including some impressions on the twist. You can also sign up to get further news and updates via our CarterMatt Newsletter.

Photo: CBS