On September 7, Julie Chen formally announced that we’d be getting a Celebrity Big Brother USA for the first time, and we were of course IMMEDIATELY psyched. As a result of that, the CarterMatt team has spent an unhealthy amount of time this morning debating some of the various people we’d want on the show.
While composing this list of possible competitors for the show, we decided to outline a few things we want to see (and not see) happen with this incarnation of the show.
1. NO FORMER HOUSEGUESTS. Seriously. If this happens, we riot — we’ll let you decide which former houseguests we’re referencing with this. They already had their own show.
2. No Celebrity Big Brother UK alum. This means no The Situation, no Spencer Pratt & Heidi Montag, no Ray J, no Gary Busey, or any other recognizable names from that show. What’s the point of doing this if you’re just going to regurgitate another version of this show?
3. We tried to avoid people like Stephen Baldwin, La Toya Jackson, Janice Dickinson, or Dennis Rodman who have been on a billion reality shows already. A few here and there is totally cool; if you were already on something like Celebrity Mole, or The Celebrity Apprentice, we don’t have that much of a problem with it.
4. We wanted to include people from all walks of life, and also a number of celebrities who already happen to be super fans of Big Brother. We think that the cast below is a mix of fans/”recruits” on the same level as a standard Big Brother season.
5. Finally, we chose 13 people. There may be 16 in the standard Big Brother USA season these days, but this game is going to be much shorter. We probably would’ve gone for 10-12 players were it not for the fact that a few people in our cast hopes below would probably not realize how hard this game really is and quit within a few days.
Our Celebrity Big Brother USA cast
Kirstie Alley – Have you seen Kirstie Alley in interviews, on Dancing with the Stars, or anywhere else? If you want someone to provide some crazy live feeds moments, you’re set up here with her.
Christian Buckingham – If you want a real game player with a ton of tattoos, you’ve got it with the two-time Ink Master competitor. He is arguably one of the best strategic gamers ever to compete on that show. Go watch season 7 to get a good sense of who he is – he would play this house like a fiddle.
Rob Cesternino – There needs to be one reasonably sane person to manage the chaos, and there should also be someone who really knows the game. Rob podcasts about this show regularly, he’s a CBS alum, and he even tried out for Big Brother before making it onto Survivor. This casting makes complete sense.
Margaret Cho – For one, she’s hilarious. Also, she’s super-smart and she would probably own the majority of the people in the game.
Deena Cortese – The former Jersey Shore cast member is a longtime Big Brother fan, so the casting would be a lot of fun. Also, she would be live feed gold for however long the show is on the air and we would suspect that a lot of house guests outside of Deena would be very aware of the live feed angle and act accordingly.
Shane Dawson – It’ll be 2018 when Celebrity Big Brother USA premieres, and you need a top-level internet star. Shane fits this bill perfectly, he’s a big fan of the show, and he joins Rob as one of the serious gamers in the house.
Matt Iseman – Sure, there could be scheduling conflicts a million ways to Sunday with American Ninja Warrior, but the man is a huge fan of the show! He can compete in challenges, strategize hard, and make about two dozen Harry Potter references over the course of the season.
Allen Iverson – Do you think he’d practice for the Head of Household Competitions? Are you talking about practice? You gotta have an athlete on here, and we’d rather have the NBA legend as opposed to one of the same football players we’ve seen on a dozen or so other shows. For the record, Iverson is the person most likely to get up and leave three days into the season.
Tracy Morgan – Okay, so you’d probably have to pay Tracy a ridiculous amount of money to do this, but doesn’t the idea of him being on the show sound like the right fit? Please give us a Margaret Cho/Tracy Morgan alliance.
Bobby Moynihan – Sure, he’s probably unavailable thanks to Me, Myself, & I, but he loved this show enough to come in imitating Josh with his ridiculous pots and pans. If that’s not enough to get a spot on this list, what is?
Kyle Richards – Will she and Matt have a pre-game alliance from The Celebrity Apprentice? Well maybe, but there’s something interesting about taking someone from the world of Beverly Hills and throwing them into this environment. She’s smart and more then that she listens and in a game where everyone’s going to be gunning for the spotlight and running their mouths, a player that can gather information and not be an immediate target, is a dangerous player… and that someone is Kyle.
Chrishell Stause – The soap star has the CBS connection thanks to The Young and the Restless, and like so many other people on this list, she’s a big fan of the show.
Sheryl Underwood – As one of the panelists on The Talk, she’s actually been in the house on occasion in the past. She’s a great conversationalist and her interactions with Julie Chen as the season went on would be worthy of some laughs. She would play a stellar social game!
What is your dream Celebrity Big Brother USA cast?
Share now in the comments below! Meanwhile, head over here to see our most-recent CarterMatt Big Brother 19 live-feed update from this morning. (Photo: CBS.)
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