‘The Bachelor’ premiere review: Did Nikki Ferrell or Sharleen Joynt score First Impression Rose?

The first night on “The Bachelor” is basically the most chaotic night of the entire season, mostly because there is all sorts of madness that tends to happen over the course of these two hours. You have 27 (!) women who are all competing for one guy in Juan Pablo Galavis; some of them are nice, some of them are insane.

We could spend a lot of time talking about the leading man himself, but there is really not that much to address here. You already know most of his attributes, including him being a single dad with abs that the show did not bother to wait longer than a few seconds to show. He’s also fairly funny, but still a little too distant to get to know. He’s not as comfortable in the part as Sean Lowe was just yet.

This is always an episode that we have a hard time really diving into, mostly because there is so much that you have to get to in a very short amount of time. So rather than focusing on women that you may not care about, we are instead going to put more of the focus on the women who made an impression over the course of the show … and also what happened to them. If you want to find out more about their background, click on their name to be taken to their official profile that we created.

First impression rose

Sharleen Joynt – The interesting thing about Sharleen is that she is completely different than the other women, mostly because she is the artsy type that you would never expect to see on the show. Also, she really doesn’t seem that into him, even if he is into her. This is all proof that even on “The Bachelor,” apparently the rule of “you want what you can’t have” is true.

Notable women advancing

Chelsie Webster – The first woman that we met, a “science educator” who has a knack for some ridiculous puns regarding what she. She also showed off in the photo booth with Juan Pablo, which is something that the women were convinced was set up by him. Um … okay. Keep believing that if you want.

Renee Oteri – The first contestant to feature a bikini in her intro package to go along with Sean’s rampant shirtlessness. But, she is also a single parent! She has that early edge when it comes to them wanting the same things.

Andi Dorfman – The moment that we saw that Andi was a prosecutor, we knew that she was going to get a lot of airtime with this job. But this cheesy and obviously fake segment? Ugh. She was also the last person to meet Juan Pablo in the limo.

Nikki Ferrell – Apparently, Nikki the nurse is more what the show wants to highlight rather than Nikki the model. Also, one of the stranger dress choices of the night. From there, she got a TON of air time.

Clare Crawley – She shares some of Juan Pablo’s Latino background, but she also is the contestant with the sad story … her father died, and he made a DVD for her future husband to watch. This was all a big contrast to her showing up with a fake baby bump.

Alli Restko – She brought a soccer ball, which we figure is certainly more than appropriate. We saw very little of her the rest of the night, but it did not really matter.

Lauren Solomon – A music composer who apparently figured out how to play the piano while moving. Quick, someone hire her for a marching band!

Kelly Travis – The fact that Kelly’s dog was at the Rose Ceremony in addition to her greeting earlier in the episode was hysterical to us.

Kat Hurd – Of course, Kat was the winner of the impromptu dance, which you knew that someone on the show was going to do.

Lucy Aragon – Welcome to Plant crazy, where the population is more or less Lucy. She’s friends with Kate Upton, and seems to be here just to be wacky. We don’t know what it was about her bare feet that Juan Pablo liked.

Sent Home

Lauren Higginson – The biggest meltdown of the night, but we do feel bad for her. She’s just on the show far too soon after a previously relationship, and she isn’t ready yet.

Amy Jokinen – She may be the most horrifying massage therapist of all time. This was clear from the start of her montage that she would be gone soon. Why did you think you were going to stay after that awkward massage? That’s your problem more than anything else.

Maggie Gantt – She may have the thickest Southern accent ever on the show, and her story is somewhat endearing in that she has never been on an airplane before.

Kylie Lewis – We really weren’t going to mention her at all, but then she tried to take Kat’s rose! We don’t think she was doing it on purpose, but it was quite an awkward way to end this.

Lacy Faddoul – She seems to be a very nice person who cares for a lot of people … but nice people typically do not do that well on this show. She also came up with some sort of little puzzle game for Juan Pablo to say.

If you didn’t see a contestant listed here, it is either because they did not get a lot of airtime, or they really did not matter very much in the end. The contestants that we are focusing on here are the ones that did have a major role to play in the story.

In the end, this was “The Bachelor” as “The Bachelor” is … but there was nothing that exciting. Where was the drunk person? All we had was a minor meltdown, and a guy who was largely soft-spoken the entire night. Not the best start to the season, even for Juan Pablo giving the rose to a woman who was not really that interested in him. Grade: C+.

What did you think about “The Bachelor” premiere? Share some of your thoughts below.