‘America’s Got Talent’ review: Bria Kelly, Academy of Villains sole YouTube hits

We haven’t been kind to the YouTube auditions on “America’s Got Talent” for over a year now, and there are really a few reasons for this:

1. It’s not fair to the acts who have fought hard all season to get here.

2. Most of the acts are terrible — with one exception in Jackie Evancho.

3. It really just seems like a giant ad for YouTube and their sponsors.

Just how bad was this show as a whole? Let’s just say that about 90 minutes in, the judges were giving critiques along the lines of “you were okay, but you’ll probably go through because everyone else is awful.” There were a few good acts at the end — and if you want to avoid all the “dreckitude” (to quote Andre Leon Talley), just scoop over the first half of this review.

The acts

Clint Carvalho and His Extreme Parrots – Usually when we hear the word “extreme,” we usually think that what is going to follow will be incredibly lame. In this case, it was actually pretty cool to see a guy call a bird from across the street and have it fly all the way over to him. Unfortunately, the guy is kind of annoying — and is his “here, kitty kitty kitty” call. It was the only highlight of the first 80 minutes of the show.

Reverse Order – When it came to this rock band, it felt like all of the judges were just beating around the bush when it came to the real problem with their performance of “I Kissed a Girl” — the lead singer’s just not very good. They were great musicians, and they at least tried to do something new in covering a song that the voters at home would no. It’s just that they had a vocalist who was not only mediocre at best, but his voice was not distinctive.

Rudy Coby – Most of the magicians so far this season have disappointed, so we were hoping for something interesting here. The issue here was not the trick, which was actually pretty cool, but that everything surrounding it was pretty weird. The music was a bad choice, and he wasted far too much time before getting to the end of the trick.

7 in Unison – It’s a female dance team! We’re not trying to insult these young ladies by being sarcastic here, but it’s hard to get excited about an act we’ve seen about 700 times over the past several years. The good news was that the girls really were trying to bring some jazz to their routine. The bad news? It was boring, slow, and not made for the big stage.

Drew Erwin – It’s a young boy with a guitar! We know the ladies are going to love him, and that alone pretty much guarantees that he will make it on to the next phase of this competition. He’s also an okay singer, but not a great one. This is the sort of act that drives us crazy on this show, mostly because he’ll go far just because of who he is while some more creative acts — which we can’t see on any other show — are sent packing.

Melinda Hill – There’s nothing worse than a bad comedian, mostly because you have to sit there and watch somebody tank on a public stage where it is quiet, awkward, and you really have no escape. After about two jokes, we were about ready to mute this the rest of the way.

Eric Buss – We just literally spent 90 seconds watching a guy shoot noodles all over the stage. Just think, America — last week you were watching national heroes at the Olympics. Strangely, though, the audience loved him more than Melinda. At least he did have a good sense of humor about how useless he was.

Romeo Dance Cheetah – The only thing that was a bigger waste of time than this guy’s name was watching his uninspired and overdone air guitar routine. He at least had a good character, even if he had no talent at all.

The Magic of Puck – We actually really enjoy these sort of simple magic tricks. We don’t need to see a car disappearing every week, especially if it is a trick we have seen a million times before. This “dancing handkerchief” act was cute, there was skill to it, and we really want to see him again on the show. He was our favorite of the first hour and a half.

Bria Kelly – It’s hard to be a female country singer and sell millions of records — and it’s even harder when you perform a song that Skylar Laine did much better on “American Idol” earlier this season in “Gunpowder and Lead.” She just wasn’t edgy enough for the song, and even though she has a pretty good voice that is probably deserving of going through, we really just think that she needs to stand out a little bit more to make it beyond just the next round.

Cast in Bronze – We do kind of like a strange dude in a mask with an intimidating musical instrument. We were excited to hear this guy perform, but then he started talking behind the mask — and his performance was literally of a Christmas song in “Carol of the Bells” in August. We do think it’s a cool instrument, but everything else was lame.

Academy of Villains – First of all, what a great name — and their premise alone that combined theater, hip-hop, and a militant style were all interesting. Could they be the breakthrough act of the show? They were at least serviceable. The first part of their act was pretty awesome, as they made an interesting routine using their arm sleeves. However, they went from there into some random hip-hop that made no sense. Just based on talent alone, though, we’re glad that they are assured to move on.

Who was your favorite from this week’s pretty terrible show? If you want to check out some more “America’s Got Talent” news pertaining to Sharon Osbourne’s exit, just pay a visit to the link here.

Photo: NBC

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