‘The Bachelorette’ review: Emily Maynard welcomes stormy skies

Would you have sent Ryan home?

Are you ready for some love in Bermuda? “The Bachelorette” delivered that in spades, and it also unleashed some crazy drama upon us — mostly courtesy of one Ryan Bowers, who spent the majority of the episode wandering around and complaining after Arie Luyendyk got the first kiss from Emily Maynard all season. (Oh, and he also pretty much told Emily he wouldn’t love her as much if she gained weight.)

But enough about Ryan (at least for now) — let’s focus on the events that unfolded over the course of the hour.

The one-on-one date – Despite some pretty stormy weather, Emily and single dad Doug Clerget (who was the recipient of the first impression rose) had themselves quite a nice time. Ultimately, it was the sort of thing you would expect from a date between two parents trying to find love in a strange way — it was conservative, and it ended in a rose.

While this date did go pretty well for Doug, there were plenty of warning signs when it came to his feelings around some of the other guys. He doesn’t get along with Arie or Chris, who ironically enough are two of the other guys to already have these dates this season, and you always have to wonder — if a guy is causing this much drama in the house now, how much will he cause later in the season?

Group date – Thanks to the news at the start of the episode that there was going to be a two-on-one date this week, this was actually something that the guys wanted to be a part of. All of the favorites for this season — from Jef Holm to Arie to blonde-haired Sean Lowe — were all present for what was ultimately a boat race. Arie, Jef, Kalon McMahon, and Ryan Bowers emerged victorious. (What we don’t really get is Arie saying that racing boats is a “different side” of him when he races cars.)

Jef ended up getting the rose here, and this marks his second handed in his direction this season. However, he has some clear weaknesses of his own — primarily that there hasn’t been the sort of passionate scene straight from a 1980s romance movie to match his 1980s hair. We’re chalking it up to nerves for now, but Jef better make a move soon … or else he’s destined for third place at best.

The two-on-one date – This is the date that really forces us to have a great deal of sympathy for the people involved — who wants to be put in direct competition with somebody else? John (otherwise known as “Wolf”) and Nate were the two guys who went out to explore the “Bermuda love triangle” with her (as the date card suggested), and Nate was the one who was sent home.

The two people Emily invited on this date really ended up making this feel more like a bang than a whimper — who are these guys, and why would she keep someone who actually calls himself Wolf?

Ryan – Now, we return to Ryan — who somewhere at home has to be screaming at his TV now that he is the Bentley of this season. He’s already expressed concerns about her appearance, fought with some of the other people in the house, and said some crazy things in the confessionals. The biggie? His suggestion that America will automatically love him as “The Bachelor” when very few are loving him here. Note to Ryan — nobody gets on “The Bachelor” by talking about wanting the job four episodes into your first go-around.

The only explanation we can really think of for Emily keeping this guy around is simple — like with Kalon, the producers want at least a few firecrackers in a season where there aren’t many guys willing to puff out their chests and go at each other.

As for who else joined Nate on the way out from Bermuda, the honor (or dishonor, in this case) ended up going to Michael Nance (Tarzan hair!) and the inspirational Charlie Grogan. Neither of these eliminations were really a surprise, mostly because they didn’t really get much time with Emily outside of a few soundbites here and there.

If you were in Emily’s shoes, would have have sent Ryan home this week?

Photo: ABC

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