‘The Bachelorette’ premiere review: Emily Maynard meets her men

Emily’s back!

The premiere of “The Bachelorette” has arrived Monday night, and we have to say — why is this the episode you make 90 minutes long? We know that there was a lead-in courtesy of “Dancing with the Stars” to think about, but the introductory episode is always the one that really needs to be two hours. After all, you’re getting to know a rather massive army of guys in a short amount of time.

As we do with just about every other opening episode of the season, we are going to have some of our initial impressions to go along with what actually went down over the course of this episode.

The introductory packages

Tony – He is one of the single dads this season, and apparently he and his ex-wife did not break up under the best circumstances imaginable.

Lerone – He seems like a nice guy, but he’s not exactly the most exciting person in the world.

David – It’s a guy with a guitar! How original!

Arie – He’s a racer! We know Emily like the type, and her late fiance Ricky Hendricks was in a similar profession.

The limos arrive

When it comes to the arrivals, things were a bit more interesting with many of these guys.

Sean – He certainly looks like the blonde guy from One Directly, now doesn’t he?

Doug – He’s a hugger!

Jackson – This guy already gives us the creeps in between the words “fitness model” as an occupation and his awkward kneeling declaration of adoration.

Joe – Speaking of awkward, what was with this guy dancing around?

Kyle – First and foremost, doesn’t this guy look a little bit like Chris Harrison? Will Chris not give himself a rose if he goes home?

Jef – Introducing the former member of an eighties boy band! Okay, not really … but that hair is something interesting.

Kalon – He arrived on a helicopter — which automatically set him up as the one person with a target on his back.

It seemed as though the introductions blew by (partially because of the shortened run time), and with that in mind the mad scramble for the first impression rose began. Chris (who wasn’t really memorable at all first) did something that was incredibly nice in busting out a set of his-and-her bobbleheads, and Kalon tried to make up for being labeled as “helicopter guy” by being nice to her and fending off the nasty commentary of Stevie — a man who already has a serious problem in entering a dating competition under the name of “Stevie.”

The first impression rose ultimately ended up going to Doug — a man who ended up presenting Emily with a rather sweet letter written by his daughter.

The rose ceremony

Jef has to be an early favorite.

The following guys all received roses this week — and it’s not much of a shock at this point that we don’t know most of these names very well yet:

Chris – The bobbleheads paid off.

Ryan – We barely know Ryan, but it reminds us of the solar energy guy from last year.

Kalon – Helicopter guy wins — for now.

Arie – Despite Arie’s profession, Emily is willing to give him a chance.

Charlie – Who?

Jef – He made a big impression this week, and we expect to be seeing plenty of him in the weeks of come.

Nate – Meanwhile, Nate made no impression at all.

Sean – He was featured early on in the episode, and the lookalike is only going in one direction — up.

Joe – Doesn’t Joe look like James Massone from “The Voice”?

Kyle – Another mystery to us.

Aaron – See above.

Alejandro – Apparently, Emily loves to speak Spanish with men she just met.

John – John looks like David Anders, and that’s all we have for now.

Alessandro – We’re not sure about Alessandro’s hair, but outside of that he seems okay.

Michael – We’re really not sure about Michael’s long (and straight) hair.

Stevie – We’re going to pretend that producers asked her to keep him around for drama.

Tony – His brief moment of glory early on in the episode paid off.

Travis – The poor guy with the ostrich egg was shaking, and she bailed him out.

What did you think of Monday night’s premiere? Were you missing those extra 30 minutes as much as we were? Be sure to share your thoughts below, and we’ll have more coverage all week.

Photo: ABC

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