‘Survivor: One World’: Colton gets the last laugh

Is anyone else more unlikable?

We’ve watched over 400 tribal councils over the years, and we’ve seen some crazy stuff — from Erik giving up immunity to Yau-Man’s car promise to James getting voted out with two idols in his pocket. Even in the midst of all this, though, what happened Wednesday night on “Survivor: One World” has to be among the craziest things we’ve ever seen on the show. While the men may have cemented themselves as one of the dumbest in the history of the game, we witnessed one of the best tribal councils in the show’s lengthy history in the process. (In other words, we are benefiting from their lunacy.)

Before we get to the winners and losers (and there are plenty of the latter in this episode), let’s set up what exactly happened. After the Manono tribe decimated Salani at the immunity challenge, Colton came up with this crazy idea that since he despises Bill with a fiery passion, he wanted to give immunity to the women and vote the guy out at tribal council. The men went along with it (though were told at first that it was part of a plan to oust Leif for “betraying” his core alliance and telling Bill he was on the chopping block), and the stand-up comic was sent packing instead.

The winners

Colton – We try really hard never to judge people on this site, since we know that editors can manipulate people into being awful if they try hard enough, and sometimes people edited positively are really jerks. Unfortunately, there’s no better way for us to say this about Colton — he may be the most unlikable person ever on this show, and it’s hard to edit the awful things that he says. The man spews so much venom he may very well be a cobra, and the shocking part of it is that so much of it is unjustified. Other than having a profession that he didn’t agree with, what did Bill really do to deserve being treated like dirt? Don’t you realize you need people to vote for you at the end?

As a player, though, there’s no question that Colton is in the midst one of the best games we’ve ever seen despite being lazy around camp and completely unwilling to deal with people he doesn’t enjoy being around. Every person of his tribe is silly enough to fall for his craziness, and not one of them seems to be willing to test if he will play his immunity idol. If we were the tribe, we would have used this opportunity to blindside the guy when he least expected it — but like so many other past casts, Manono is chock full of cowards.

Christina – For the first time, we are starting to think Christina has a chance to stay around in this game. She has developed nine lives when it comes to her survival, and even this week she probably would have been sent home if the guys did not lose their minds. (Alicia was also on the chopping block, mostly for being useless.)

The thing that makes Christina an interesting player is if there is a tribal swap (which the preview suggested may be coming up), she could join up with some guys and do some serious damage. The longer she stays around, the more dangerous she is going to become.

Kim – At this point, we’re becoming so confident that Kim will win this season that we could trumpet it out on the street with a megaphone. She’s visible in every episode, smart, and never seems to be a target at all. While the women may not like Alicia in their alliance, at this point they’re stuck with her — and Kim was smart enough to point that out with Sabrina. Getting rid of Alicia weakens her own chances of advancing.

Even if there is a swap, we anticipate Kim as being enough of a non-threat to stay … even though she may be the most threatening person of all.

Monica – She’s currently pegged as sixth place on Salani, but like with Christina she’s found a way to stick around. The thing that makes Monica valuable is that not only is she a hard worker, she’s nice. Never underestimate the power of nice people to do big things.

He’s not the king of this jungle…

The losers

Tarzan – Somewhere, “Special Agent” Phillip Sheppard may be celebrating that he no longer holds the title of “most delusional contestant ever.” Tarzan is completely out of his mind. He antagonizes the women like he thinks he will never need their help in this game, and then he wants to eliminate one of the guys who is actually on his side.

Strategically, Tarzan sums up everything that is wrong with Manono — they just don’t think things through. Even with Tarzan’s random rant at tribal council about how he was sick of people talking about race, it was coming after Bill and Colton each agreed that race was not the source of their argument at all. Silence is golden — Tarzan, look it up.

Troyzan – Our main problem with Troyzan is his comment about women being too emotional to make rational decisions when it comes to working with the men. Thanks, Troyzan, for setting back women’s rights fifty years. That is all.

Leif – We love to root for Leif as the first-ever little person on the show, but there’s no way around the fact that he is a terrible player. He blabs alliance secrets, and then he proves himself to be the world’s worst liar and has to come clean about it. The guy seems to have to spine at the moment, and did not do much of anything to save himself — even if he is still there. You have to ignore your moral compass out there, but he’s already proven that he is unable to do that.

If nothing changes, Leif will be the next guy to go — and considering how delusional these men are, they will probably throw a challenge to do it. (The women are so going to destroy these guys post-merge…)

The rest of the guys – Outside of Colton, these men need to stop puffing out their chests and realize that they are becoming laughingstock of the country. Who goes along with a plan to voluntarily go to tribal council? Even people like Jay are just as guilty — even if you had the sense to know this plan was a bad idea, you can put your foot down and stop it.

The thing is that all of these men are playing a short-sighted game. They should have realized that a tribal swap or another twist could happen, and they could need the numbers. Now, they are in a position to ruin themselves in a mighty big way by not wanting to anger somebody whose power is really just based on what you give him.

Bill – We actually like Bill Posley a lot as a person. He seems like a nice guy and he has a positive attitude despite being treated like a pile of firewood by Colton. While we didn’t have to see the guy talk about being poor much, we admire him for chasing his dream of comedy and working hard to make it a reality.

Bill did make the stupid move to agree to this impromptu tribal council, but in his defense he likely figured it better to try and pull something crazy off than simply sit around and wait for the guys to take him out late. Even if Bill is a loser at this game thanks to some ridiculous people who irrationally hate him, we do hope he is a winner at life someday.

Check back Thursday, as we’ll have had a little more time to digest this — plus, we’ll also be talking with Bill about his time out in Samoa.

Photo: CBS

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