‘The Bachelor’: Lindzi Cox’s ‘Once Upon a Time’ audition

Enter the storyteller.

Once upon a time, there was a reality show — and in the midst of the reality show, there was a girl trying to get over the pain of the poisoned words of the Evil Prince who once tried to dominate her life: “Welcome to Dumpsville, Population YOU.” So with this, she ventured far, far away to the land of cameras, forced confessionals, and an adversary who would disrobe in a blink to satisfy Prince Charming’s wandering eye.

This is the story of Lindzi Cox, a damsel in distress who started off this episode in need of her knight in a complicated kingdom known as “The Bachelor.” This is at least the sort of story that Lindzi was trying to spin in some random letter than she and Ben Flajnik wrote on a slab of paper during their one-on-one date (with the exception of their version of the story being slightly less cynical) before tossing the note in a bottle in the ocean. We’re actually wondering if Lindzi wrote down that there are several other women still fighting for her knight’s heart — or if that was the sort of the thing that gets washed away as it did when Disney chose to leave out some of the nasty parts of “Cinderella.”

As ridiculous as her “message in a bottle” was, we still want to root for Lindzi. She seems mature enough to not complain about drama — and she’s really at this point the only woman we can say that about. With this in mind, we’re thrilled that she will be able to keep writing her story for another week.

Evil, or just misunderstood?

Woe is Courtney – Since Emily’s date with Ben was really more or less snore-worthy (and did not include any references to fairy-tale lore), we are going to turn instead to the woman known by many this season as the Evil Queen — Courtney. Is she really that evil, or is she just so all over the place that she doesn’t know how to act in social situations? We really can’t figure it out. All we do know is that when Courtney said she “felt like [she] was with a friend” on the group dates, we’re wondering how often she dances around without a top on while with some of her friends.

Before the date, Courtney painted a Greek tragedy for herself rather than a fairy tale — saying that if she didn’t get a one-on-one date, she was going to pack her bags and take off from the competition. Then, she proceeded to brag when she got the date like she had been ridiculously confident the entire time. Just in case you were wondering why other women hated Courtney, here is the primary reason why. She seems to act based on attention — and when the attention is on here, it’s all smiles. On the subject of the other women, Courtney played the classic “nobody wants to get to know me” card during her one-on-one and ended up bashing the ladies for being “boring.” Dear Courtney, you will run into vanilla people in your life. Can’t you at least try to get along?

In the shark tank – For three women, the fairy tale was “Jaws” — and by the time the date was over, the ladies were all out for blood. No one was particularly pleased with how Courtney was acting, and the trio of Kacie, Nicki, and Rachel (who was this week’s token “let’s make a girl live out her worst fear” victim) chose to finally confront Ben about it and prove that Emily wasn’t the only one with problems towards her.

After Ben was finished with his make-out sessions when it came to all three women, he handed Kacie B. a rose for being vulnerable — and then, the bashing began! The ladies actually were not too mean when it came to their assertions, and Ben even asked before they explained that Courtney was not there for the right reasons, and really wasn’t trying to love him so much as just be there and cackle while everyone else goes home in tears.

The final pages – We’ve already said that the stories for Lindzi and Kacie will receive another chapter — but which two women will join them? Before Ben even made a decision, he pulled Courtney and her massive red flag of having few female friends aside to talk with her — and the conversation largely consisted of her just being defensive.

Nicki received one of the other roses, and then the last one of the night went to … Courtney! At this point, some of the other women have to be worried that Ben could be picking her, mostly because everyone in the known world (minus Lindzi, at least) has put in their two cents. We say goodbye to Emily (who is likely regretting starting any drama at all) and Rachel (who sounds like Julia Stiles — and the boat she left in made us think of “Dexter”).

Are you stunned that Ben kept Courtney around … again? Feel free to put your answers in the poll below, and we’ll have more of this twisted story as it unfolds. (As of right, we have a feeling Emily is burning the pages of her romance.)

Photo: ABC

 

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