Chris Sacca is lucky that he’s returning for Friday night’s new episode of “Shark Tank,” given that he was returning just in time to see some AWESOME products. We wouldn’t lie to you — there are some episodes with gadgets and trinkets that we’d run away from full-stop. All of these are legitimately interesting. Maybe they don’t sell, or maybe they don’t get a deal. Maybe one of them enters the Tank with an impossible ego thinking that they’ve already reaped all of the benefits of the show and they should be valued as such. Maybe someone thinks they’re more awesome than Sacca’s Western-wear shirts. Based on some of the valuations tonight, there’s a radar going off somewhere in our head over this.
As we tend to do every Friday there’s a new episode, we’ve got sneak peeks for ALL of the products below. There may be some extra snark in here despite our early praise for the products. Forgive us — or just blame the coffee.
Edn Garden – For those of you who think gardening with soil is too hipster in 2017 — or you’re a total neat-freak who doesn’t want to deal with soil ever — this could be for you! It’s a little indoor garden that takes care of most of the important stuff for you, like sunlight and administering planet food. All you have to do is refill it, which basically means that IF YOU CAN’T DO THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER OWN PLANTS OR ANYTHING EVER. This makes it incredibly simple.
This is really nice. We say this as someone who’s spent about six months now growing a jalapeno plant and getting extremely stressed out over the soil or some random bugs that are trying to get at it. Early verdict: Give it a deal!
Hotels By Day – Let’s say you get stuck on a layover somewhere, and don’t want to spend the next eight hours of your day sitting at the bar trading stories with the bartender about how someone give you a dirty look on the flight. This is your answer! These guys have come up with a concept (no, we’re not talking about their turquoise V-necks — clearly we came up with that as a fashion trend first) where you can rent a hotel root for the day, chill out, and then go about your business. It’s great for nappers and anti-social people who want to just go sleep over trying to get to know a new city when they’re stuck there.
This has good application around airports or financial districts where meetings tend to get delayed all the time. How in the world do you convince hotels to actually give this a try, though? It’s an enormous undertaking and we don’t know how any of the Sharks got time to help with that. Early verdict: We’re on the fence. Maybe we need to rent a hotel out for a day to think about it.
Bitsbox – The valuation here is HIGH. Really high. It’s so high that … well, just think about Taco Bell for a minute.
The idea is great: Teaching kids about computer coding at an early age. It’s a super-valuable skill that is more important than ever in 2017. The material looks fun … but we’re not a kid. It’s certainly possible that one of these kids tries to use some of these materials as fertilizer for their parents’ Edn Garden. (We told you kids, it DOESN’T NEED ANY FERTILIZER.) In theory, it’s a great idea to leverage technology and get young kids doing something products. We just don’t see the benefit at this valuation. Early Verdict: Negotiate the hell out of that valuation! Maybe then it’s worth it for a Shark.
Toymail – Speaking of insanely high valuations, apparently stuffed animals who can record messages and transmit then to an app are worth the value of Fort Knox. (Are Fort Knox jokes still relevant in 2017? Not sure about that.) Maybe you can use one of these when you’re a kid and you feel guilty about the Bitsbox fertilizer.
We won’t deny that there are a lot of practical uses for this; we also do think that there’s the SELL OUT THE BABYSITTER use where a kid uses it to complain to Mom and Dad while they’re at dinner that they aren’t being allowed to watch “Robocop.” (We’re pretty sure “Robocop” jokes are not relevant in 2017.) It could be very useful, but it could also be Icarus walking straight into the sun and catching himself on fire in terms of practical usage. Early verdict: That valuation needs to walk into the sun. Worth a game at a much smaller value.
Want some more highlights when it comes to “Shark Tank” this season? Then all you need to is venture over to the link here right now. (Photo: ABC.)