‘The Bachelorette’ review: Chris Bukowski, Nick Viall, and Andi Dorfman’s first night

On the premiere of “The Bachelorette” Monday night, there was all sorts of craziness that unfolded. We laughed, we groaned, and we started our campaign early for Marquel the Cookie Man as the next “Bachelor.” This episode was everything we loved and hated about the show in a nutshell … and we never want to hear the words “I’m a hugger” ever again, we are going to cry.

There are SO many people that we have a hard time really picking everyone to talk about with this episode, but let’s start with the obvious: Chris Bukowski is back! How desperate is this dude? We don’t know if this whole charade of him showing up is really as random as the show made it up to be, but it’s not a good look. Who wants to bet that this guy is off to “find love” on “Bachelor in Paradise” when that airs? This was basically an audition for that. It was awkward, and we’re sure that he is going to get more airtime later this season, as well, for no good reason.

Moving on (since we really don’t want to talk about that anymore), let’s just go ahead and discuss a little bit of the arrivals who were actually at the house for the first time.

JJ – A “Pantstrapreneur”? Really? This guy wins the early award for “guy who wants to promote something.”

Cody – Ew. Seriously. This guy? The whole “pushing the limo” is just such a tool thing to do.

Jason – This hair is both amazing and awful at the same time. We could have assumed right away that Andi wasn’t going to be down for the air.

Josh M. – Was Andi checking out this guy’s butt when he was walking into the mansion?

Marquel – Like we said, we love the guy’s cookie appreciation. He’s such an interesting, fun guy that we want to see more of.

Eric – Obviously, this was a very strange thing to watch given his passing in between filming and the premiere. But, he came across as a nice, genuine guy and had a niec gift for Andi.

Nick – The recipient of the First Impression Rose! He seemed pretty nice and genuine, and mostly got it just because of the fact that he was open and told her about his family.

The one thing that we will praise the show for is this: Less abs! Also, only a few terrible introductions. The show at least tried to class up the place a little.

The Rose Ceremony – It’s much too hard to keep track of everyone with a rose tonight, mostly because there are so many people we don’t even know who got through. (This is one of the only episodes that needs to be two hours long rather than 90 minutes.)

The notable exits included Jason with the crazy hair, Rudie the fellow attorney (who at least tried hard), and the “California guy.” The biggest takeaway we got from all of this? That Andi really doesn’t like guys with the long hair. She did let some good guys go, and then she keeps the dude pushing the limo? Well you have to have some entertainment there. Grade: B- (mostly because Andi seems to be solid in this role).

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Photo: ABC